Struggling with an eating disorder can truly be difficult, but when the country is locked down, the process of recovery can be almost impossible. Those of you experiencing lockdown with an eating disorder are struggling WAY more than most. The nature of an eating disorder includes your already racing and obsessive thoughts surrounding food whether you act on these thoughts or not. The obsessive thoughts do tend to lead to eating disorder behaviors such as restricting, binging, purging, or laxitive/diuretic abuse, however the spun out thoughts alone can be torture on someone struggling. Recovering from an eating disorder pre-lockdown used to include distracting, and purposefully getting out of the sphysical setting you were in, and/or getting away from the source of the thoughts. This is no longer possible unless you live in a part of the country that is opening back up.
Relationships, as well, have become difficult due to social distancing and quarantine orders. Connection is our goal with recovery, due to the healing nature of it. This is often difficult for most of you because the genetically high level of sensitivity keeping you from connecting in general. The longer we go without genuine human connection, in general, the more difficult it is to connect, so when we add the massive amounts of sensitivity, and social anxiety you already feel, things get really difficult. You’ve probably been offered treatment in virtual meeting spaces and platforms, but this allows you to stay anonymous, do other things without paying real attention in real time, and not even really show up for yourself. It is supposed to replicate face to face connection, but when you can mute your voice, and block out your screen, the options to stay hidden become way too tempting. Truly connecting to another human is about you showing up to the present moment for yourself.
So what do we do when we find ourselves in lockdown with an eating disorder? We have to now go out of our way to do what we naturally feel anxious to do. Sounds fun, right? I get it, so let’s take it one step at a time
- Free write your thoughts. Set the timer for 10 minutes. Really take 10 minutes and write without stopping your full thoughts about any anxiety and fear you have about connecting with someone face to face. Feel free to include all the things that could happen, including implosion and certain demise. When 10 minutes is over, just stop writing where you are. Read it over, and open up that laptop because it’s time to connect…
- Set up a face to face connection once per day. This means ACTUALLY showing up without distraction. I know, this seems impossible, but let’s go A-B, not A-Z. First, make it safe (you’re welcome). This means set the time for 5-minutes, no more. Make it someone you feel comfortable talking to, or as comfortable as possible. Tell them you only have 5 minutes but want to get on a virtual face to face call with them. Prepare questions in case the conversation lulls.
- Free write EVERYTHING that came up. Set the timer for 10 minutes again, and write without stopping everything that you’re feeling after getting off the “call.” This will decompress your thoughts, and anxiety, which will stay with you the rest of the day if you do not discharge. This level of anxiety is what leads to eating disorder behaviors, so it is important that this is written out, and not kept inside.
This daily practice 25 minutes in total can truly help strengthen the muscles that build up the strength to exist beyond the eating disorder without assistance. Think of it as mental weight lifting. You can also do this with any challenging meals/snacks if it helps. Please reach out and let me know if this exercise is helpful, but the connection, truly showing up for yourself is the highest level (obviously besides eating) of eating disorder recovery you can do. Wishing you all the best in these hard times. I know you all are doing everything you can to recover with everything you have, and I just want to add to the tools you do have.