Hatch Your Own Recovery: The beginning of the process of eating disorder recovery is possibly most fearful, and this fear is usually the fear that lasts the longest. I discussed on my last Self Care Sunday the different phases of eating disorder recovery including changes in and expectations of:
- Food
- Thoughts
- Fears
- Emotions
- Resistance
- Obstacles surmounted
- Points of ease
Because it was my first time discussing this new concept (as I had JUST developed it that morning), I know there were live/after live questions, and awesome insights from everyone that made me so happy. So let’s dive deep into each phase together so so we can develop a complete concept together! PLEASE, for everyone’s sake, go back to Self Care Sunday, watch carefully, and add your own questions and insights as this will help us all solidify this Patient Centered Recovery Diagram.
I need your help, here. After watching SCS, and listening to the portion referring to what I cheekily called “The Run Around,” I need to know what the best name for this phase would be. Vote in the comments:
- The Run-Around
- BS (Just kidding)
- Exploring Recovery (Mountain)
- Trailhead Hunting
- Finding Your Start
- Land of Trigger Warnings
- OTHER (Please help here, as you can see, I need it!)
So once we name this phase, we will have the beginning of a patient centered recovery plan! How exciting is this?! But to name it, let me get really clear about what this phase looks like. This is the solid defense for the impossibility of recovery: Let me explain. This is what you see in some eating disorder “support groups,” where people protect, in a way, the eating disorder. “I’ll never get out of this,” “I feel so fat,” “TW,” “Why do I feel so bloated,” posting motivational quotes, while not taking the next steps in recovery, “Take away triggers in my environment,” “I can’t recover because a yogurt commercial triggered me,” “She’s skinnier than me, I’m not eating today,” “I’m not recovering because I’m too scared to gain weight.” “I don’t trust my body,” etc. This phase is where fear is so real, and it’s mostly the fear of the unknown. What will happen if I take those first baby steps in my recovery? The fears are all about what feels immediately accessible to the person. The anxiety makes it impossible to take any of these fears deeper. Fears include getting triggered, comparison, jealousy, fear of gaining weight, not trusting the body’s physicality, feeling fat.
What does food look like here? It’s VERY controlled. The anxiety felt in this phase can be so paralyzing, that, in my professional opinion, asking someone here to challenge their food recovery, is really, just mean. They already feel so fearful, and stuck in this phase, that I NEVER challenge food habits here. Instead, I instill trust at this stage and let them know we are SO far from talking about food, that they can hear me discuss how to get on the mountain. The only goal is to take those fears/triggers/feelings of fat/etc. just a little deeper.
If we can get to the real emotions/fears they are dealing with, we can step up onto the mountain of recovery. It might be a baby step onto a random trailhead, but they’re definitely on once they can admit what their true anxiety/fear is really about. Everyone will have different feelings evolve out of some of the same surfactant feelings. For instance, feeling fat can mean 1,000 different things to different people, and sometimes at different times of the day for the same person. Once we can get to the fact that today, in this moment, fat feels lonely/scary/exhausting/etc. we have taken a step on the PATIENT’S path of recovery.
This is definitely an obstacle that MUST be surmounted in order to START forging your recovery path. If I tell you what your feeling fat means, you’re on my path…. It’s not going to work. A point of ease in this is getting on the mountain doesn’t need to involve changing your food/eating habits/disorder behaviors. You’re welcome. Another point of ease here is that this is the only time you’ll START to feel my support, when before, you may have felt that I was distant. The reason for this is that when you’re circling the mountain looking for your path, I can’t get involved past the point of challenging you to just pick one.
It has to be YOURS, but once you take those feelings deeper, and take that first step onto your path, I am the most SUPPORTIVE person! This is where we can discuss how you want to take on this mountain, and how I can support you best.
A fun image for this phase is the frustration and delight of watching a baby chick break out of his egg. It can take (for me) WAAAAAAAAY too long for anything meaningful to happen, as you sit there and watch the egg roll back and forth, and then nothing. Inside this egg is a sweet chick is gaining enough strength to live on the outside of the shell, all by pushing and kicking the egg. Then eventually, a tiny foot comes through the egg, only to pull it RIGHT back into the egg (it’s cold out there). When they finally break out of the egg, it ain’t pretty. They are slimy, disgusting, and not the yellow chick they end up becoming in the end. The beginning of this process is also pretty nasty, but it’s also the biggest jump. Well, I’ve watched so many eggs hatch, that I have had to become more gentle with the process. This is why it’s easier for me, now, to be cool with the amount of time you need to stay in this phase before wanting to hatch. I know if I reach out and crack that egg for you, you’ll die because you won’t have gained the strength to live in any other phase. On the other hand if you stay in the egg, you’ll also die sooner than you would if you broke out of the egg. Sorry.
Please let me know what insights you find for yourself, and your own recovery journey. *If you need support NOW, BOOK a phone session with me!*
Email Scarlett:
SRO@ScarlettRameyOfficial.com
Text Scarlett:
(206) 910-8690
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If you’re into it, feel free to share this with any other people in your support circle that you KNOW need to hear these words!
Yours in love and support,
Scarlett Ramey, MS, RDN, CD
P.S. Hope to see you in the comments. Let’s rally together during this time and stay connected in supporting YOUR Recovery journey. The world deserves the BEST of you.❤️