There is an old Native American story of the good wolf and bad wolf within all of us. They are in a constant battle for what choices we will make. “Which one wins?” the child listening to this story asks his grandfather. The grandfather simply replies, “The one you feed.” Well you KNOW I couldn’t pass this up when I heard this story. Feeding, eating disorders, good, bad, etc. It all fits right into the psyche of someone with an eating disorder.
So obviously I reframed this story to fit the battle my patients seem to face in eating disorder recovery. Let’s, for a minute, think about these 2 wolves as the eating disorder and recovery in a battle. The eating disorder wolf represents (loudly) guilt, insecurity, greed, trauma, triggers, anger, not good enough, selfish, anger, etc. The recovery wolf represents (quietly) peace, love, you’re good enough, full, self esteem, generosity, happiness, health, etc.
So let’s follow the story just the way it goes. When we feed both wolves, the eating disorder wolf obviously ears his own, and asks for more. The recovery wolf eats his portion and falls asleep I. The corner. Now when we starve both of them, the recovery wolf continues his nap in the corner, and the eating disorder wolf loses his little mind. Tearing up your brain in ANY way that will make you feed it exactly what it wants. It pushes all of your buttons until you do exactly what it says.
The moment that truly defines the recovery process is when we put the eating disorder wolf in its own cage and feed the recovery wolf, while starving the eating disorder wolf. The recovery wolf gently eats his food, and again, goes back to sleep with a full belly. But on the other side of the cage the eating disorder wolf goes crazy and pulls out ALL the stops. It starts telling you how worthless you are, and how fat the recovery wolf is going to make you. How the recovery wolf hasn’t done anything for you and won’t fight for you. You end up looking over, and notice that the eating disorder wolf is right! The recovery wolf is LITERALLY sleeping. Shouldn’t it have the energy to fight the eating disorder wolf? Stand up for you? Shouldn’t it?
NO!
If we waited for recovery to motivate us or inspire us to fight through the eating disorder’s rage, we’d never kill it. Your recovery is there waiting for you but you are the only one that can fight the eating disorder wolf once you start to starve it, while you feed the recovery wolf.
Yep, that’s right, YOU have to step in, and fight to defend your recovery, who is not doing anything for you in the moment.
This, my friends, is the reason it will always be difficult to recover, because recovery doesn’t fight for you. You have to fight FOR it. And your opposer, the eating disorder wolf knows all your moves, all your buttons, and all your weaknesses, because it’s you. You are literally fighting YOU in order to protect and save YOU. I know that sounds weird, but the eating disorder wolf is you. You’re fighting all the disordered thoughts you’ve developed to protect yourself from a world you can’t control.
But over in the corner, sleeping like a jackass, is your recovery. The place where you are free from your disordered thoughts, and all the harm you’ve caused yourself through feeding the eating disorder wolf. Sometimes, I know, it’s hard to fight for something that literally won’t even fight for itself, but I can promise, it’s worth it. It also becomes super sad when such a big part of what has kept you safe dies. So don’t dismiss the fact that it will be one of the hardest losses of your life, losing that eating disorder wolf. This has been the one wolf that demanded more of your attention, the one you spend the majority of your time with, and the one who seems to have been there this whole time.
So the starvation of the eating disorder wolf has been, is, and will always be the most terrible process. Don’t EVER think I don’t know that. It’s super frustrating when you feel alone protecting something you can’t even get to wake up! But that recovery wolf is everything you REALLY are, and just because it doesn’t feel familiar, it’s worth getting to know. The difficult part here is starving the wolf, and drowning out his noise in order to feed and get to know the recovery wolf (who you really are).
I’d love your insights on this if you’re willing to share your stories.*If you need support NOW, feel free to reach out to me!*
Email Scarlett:
SRO@ScarlettRameyOfficial.com
Text Scarlett:
(206) 910-8690
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If you’re into it, feel free to share this with any other people in your support circle that you KNOW need to hear these words!
Yours in love and support,
Scarlett Ramey, MS, RDN, CD
P.S. Hope to see you in the comments. Let’s rally together during this time and stay connected in supporting YOUR Recovery journey. The world deserves the BEST of you.❤️