Something I hear from a lot of people who are considering going into (or back into) an inpatient-type facility for their eating disorder is “What if I gain weight?” Now, for this blog I’m just going to address this question at its face-value and we won’t go into the fact that there’s probably a way deeper meaning to “gain weight” when people ask this. I went through several treatment centers throughout my recovery journey and trust me, I asked the same question, especially in the earlier days of my treatment. So, recovered person to prospective recovered person, here is my answer to this question, regardless of where you are in your own recovery journey:
Duh.
Now let’s elaborate on that highly articulated response. If you have an eating disorder, that means that in some way you are manipulating your food intake and hunger/fullness signals for a sense of safety, control, whatever it might be. And if you’re considering treatment, chances are you’ve been at it for a bit. That means that your body has developed some level of trust issues regarding whether or not it’s going to be getting what it needs on a regular basis. You’re also probably going to have some restoration that needs to happen, and on that note consider this:
“Weight” doesn not EQUAL fat, it INCLUDES it. Your weight includes your skin, skeleton, muscles, the glycogen stored in those muscles so they can function, organs (the average weight of intestines is about 7.5 pounds alone), your brain, and your hydration level.
When you restrict your nutrition in the way that is considered to be an eating disorder, ALL of those components of the body are being depleted. So when you begin restoring your body and learning and practicing how to eat enough to maintain yourself, yes, your weight is going to go up. That’s the point.
Now consider this: It isn’t going to matter outside of the fact that your body is going to be healthy and able to function the way it was meant to (unless there’s been some longer-term damage due to prolonged deficiencies, but in general your body will be functioning better). Eating disorders are a symptom of a deeper issue or issues, usually there’s trauma of some kind involved that triggered the “eating disorder gene” and so there is a lot more work to be done than just restoring the body. If you are doing your work as you go through this process of recovering from your eating disorder, processing through the pain, the weight gain won’t matter and you might even start to appreciate your physical body.
This is where you kind of have to start building some faith in yourself. Trust me, I know how scary it is to think about gaining weight and how uncomfortable it is when it starts to happen. Recovering is one of the bravest things you’ll do. But you’ll take one little step forward into the absolute darkness and scariness of the unknown, and somehow there will be a place for your foot. Then you’ll take another step and it will be just as scary or more so, but you’ll start finding that you are strong enough to go on this journey.
You will be able to trust yourself eventually, but be patient. It’s a practice, and with a lot of work and time, one day you’ll be like “Yeah, I weigh (blank), but check out what I’m doing with my new life as a recovered person!”
Lindsey H.
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Yours in love and support,
Scarlett Ramey, MS, RDN, CD
P.S. Hope to see you in the comments. Let’s rally together during this time and stay connected in supporting YOUR Recovery journey. The world deserves the BEST of you.♥️